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    April 25

    生日之前的小小悲伤。

    似乎许久没有这样在网上闲逛无所事事了,专教也渐渐成了不常来的地方。从某种程度上来讲确实不是很喜欢这里,让人发闷的空气,白的炫目的光,几乎可以感觉到高辐射的存在。刚才老婆很开心地端着那个被我养的只剩一支的小宝石花说又给它添了些土——那花儿已经很长了,但却仍然没有根,就那么坐在土上,绳儿一样地耷拉下来,让人担心它会不会被风吹跑。冬阳的小跑小步最近似乎很开心,搬了新家,有山有水儿的,也算惬意。专教近来增了很多绿色,算是带来了些生气吧。
    可是小宝到底栽在我的手上了。
    专教确实也很慢,慢得让我觉得一来到这儿自己就会逐渐变成植物,但是不是我想要的慢,不是独峰那种可以在窗边看着看不见的城市听着维也纳小男孩合唱团的慢,不是骑车穿过嫩绿的主干道的慢,不是在西门的小村儿里穿行的慢——不是我想要的。我宁可变成一株运动的植物。慢下来。慢下来。慢下来。
    生日将至。05,06,07,08。生日似乎在十九之后才有了生日的感觉。依稀记得每年生日都会改签名档的,似乎前年是:明天又是新的一年。去年是:又一年又十年。或者倒过来。这毫无意义的文字每次都会把自己弄得可不爽可不爽了。去年似乎在宿舍等着零点钟声,四个人划火柴是那时的事儿么,不记得了。哭了一鼻子。和现在差不多的感觉。人之常情吧。
    怀念?呵。怀念什么呢。记忆总会在这种时候一股脑消失,只留下空白。一年。蹉跎么?
    不知,仍然不知。谁不是在懵懂地过生活呢。
    不想了。期盼华丽丽的四月二十七~
    Happy birthday!
     

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